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Uncomfortable Situation Gives Rise To Uninteresting Joke
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NEW YORK—An everyday experience has resulted in a nearly amusing parody news item. The item, as nondescript as its subject, is expected to meet the needs of undemanding readers who seek comfort over wit. Its author is thought most likely to be a youth treading strip-mined comedic terrain, but could just as likely be an apathetic drone churning out his assigned piece in time for an early happy hour at Chi-Chi's.
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My Fake Op-Ed Really Writes Itself
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By [FirstName] [LastName]
More opinion...
January 21, 2004
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Photo Archive Mined For Awkward Depiction
NEW YORK—A special purpose photo archive has been thoroughly searched for the last unused depiction of an awkward figure positioned in situ and staring blankly ahead. The photo, once found, is expected to inspire a humorous story written in easy-to-master, hard-to-rise-above journalese.
Page Layout Puts Relationship Spoof Next To Pitiful, Attention-Seeking Personals Ad
NEW YORK—In an accidental discouragement of desperately sought click-throughs, a news parody about a pathetic, doomed relationship was positioned next to a site-branded personals ad that managed to show an even more terrifying caricature of energy-draining shallowness and stupidity.
Onion Writer Mocks Film Student, Fails To Spot Parallel
NEW YORK—A staff writer has penned a satirical news item thought to be a scathing takeoff on the self-delusion of aspiring filmmakers who struggle to sell stale, pointless, and derivative stories which lack promise even by Hollywood's fairly low standards. He is currently shopping four unproduced screenplays.
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Biting Liberal Send-ups Just As Funny Now As Four Years Ago
NEW YORK—It has been four years since a prominent Internet parody site uprooted from Wisconsin to New York, but its off-kilter sensibilities have changed surprisingly little. Observers once feared that the move might lead to emotionally wrenching superficial changes, and some even warned that the "insular little bubble" in which the parody site was created could burst. Chief concerns included the confusing transition from Midwestern liberalism to East Coast liberalism, the post-9/11 national mood, and a desire for a handful of fresh jokes. But the passage of time and gigantic shifts in the nation's zeitgeist have produced no visible changes to the parody site, which continues to serve as an archive for the smirking wit and earnest cultural attitudes that is the young left-leaning humorist's gift to personkind. To highlight the sense of uninspired second and third generation material, a merger with MAD Magazine is in early discussion.
Fat, Lower Class Women Still Make Us Laugh
PRINCETON—A new Gallup poll has upheld previous findings that clinically obese women of middling social circumstances continue to provoke gales of laughter from Americans. Mocking overweight white females joins other comedic standards such as relating regional Southern accents to inbreeding, saying things in a fake Indian accent, and reciting empty political statements overheard from old reruns of Politically Incorrect. Derivative parody material written by pale, poorly socialized twenty-somethings is expected as a result to become an even greater inducement to boredom-related suicide.
A.V. Club Intern Must Face Scott Tobias In 'Glib-Off'
NEW YORK—A newly hired intern assigned to the review section of a humor site has been asked to participate in a ritual showdown known as a "glib-off". The intern will be tested on his ability to shoot rapid-fire disparagements of the latest books, movies, and songs. According to rules individual "gliblets" must not exceed 300 words or four sentences and should contain at least 17 distinct metaphors indicating the failure to achieve an artistic aim.
Humor Site Archives Dwindle In Push To Repackage Old Content
NEW YORK—For the third straight year the archives for a prominent Internet humor site have diminished as old content is removed and repurposed for day calendars, anthologies, and slightly rewritten versions intended for future publication. Visitors are now presented options for "current edition", "previous edition", and "none of the above".
'Subversive' Now Defined As 'Upsetting To One's Parents'
CHICAGO—After decades of misuse by students and postmodernist literary critics, language authorities have accepted the need to change the meaning of the word "subversive" from "in opposition to a civil authority or government" to "of a quality upsetting to one's parents". Complained one dissenting scholar, "What exactly do people think is subversive about mass-marketed product thoughtlessly lapped up by millions of fools? How do people whose beliefs rest upon a foundation of feel-good, politically credulous pap parroted by media outlets and politicians say with a straight face that they enjoy anything subversive? Subversive means 'let's go blow up a federal building' or 'I refuse to sit in the colored section of the diner' not 'tune in nightly to Bill-fucking-Maher'."
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| Midwestern Writer Not Getting Any Hipper |
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